You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
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