I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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