He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
