im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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