Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
