i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
