I can tuck mytits in my pants
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
