I CAN MOONWALK!
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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