I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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