I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
it was like eating out sand paper
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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