Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
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