Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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