I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
