i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
