Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize