Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
50% drunk capacity currently
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
