Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
