i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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