I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
