Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Sorry my hands just texted you
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
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