whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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