i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
