her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Randomize
