I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
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