I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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