period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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