quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize