Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
it's like heaven, but drunker
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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