If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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