why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
