I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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