either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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