I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
