dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
