evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
