in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
the liver wants what the liver wants
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
