why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
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it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I love you. Go after that dick
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
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