I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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