using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I just gargled with NyQuil
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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