you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
