hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
