I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
