please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
