I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
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I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
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I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
He has the fingertips of a God
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