I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
