goodnight i made you a song goodbye
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
