The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize
