just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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