i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
