dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
