I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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