I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
