I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
She announced her abortion via fbk
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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