dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
