My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
