i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Randomize
