For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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