i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Sorry my hands just texted you
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Randomize
