The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
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