She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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