My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
