I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
