He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
