I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Randomize
