Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
