i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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