think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
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