I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
