No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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