apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Randomize
