oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
