EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Do vagina's smell?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
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