he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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