That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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