Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
